This Has Gotta Hurt

Republican Kevin Nicholson is running in the primary for a chance to run against Tammy Baldwin's for US Senate.

His parents have donated the maximum to the Baldwin campaign:

This is amusing. Apparently, Kevin Nicholson's parents are staunch Democrats, so much so they'd rather give their money to Tammy Baldwin than a Republican, even if he's their own son.

Sharper than a serpent's tooth, neh?

This is Some Weird Sh%$

It's clear that the sexual harassment situation in Congress is a bipartisan phenomenon, but the Republicans have really nailed the skeevy side of things.

Case in point, Trent Franks (R-AZ) will be resigning because he tried to coerce his women staff members into renting out their uteruses (uteri?) to him:

Rep. Trent Franks, an Arizona Republican who is among the most conservative members of the House, said he would resign his seat after House officials learned that he had asked two female employees to bear his child as a surrogate.

Franks’s announcement came as the House Ethics Committee said it would create a special subcommittee to investigate Franks for conduct “that constitutes sexual harassment and/or retaliation for opposing sexual harassment.”

His resignation, which Franks said is effective Jan. 31, will end the ethics investigation.

Franks said in his statement that the investigation concerns his “discussion of surrogacy with two previous female subordinates, making each feel uncomfortable.”

While Franks’s statement left the circumstances of the “discussion” murky, three Republicans familiar with the allegations said that he had asked the staffers, who worked for him at the time but have since left his office, if they would serve as a surrogate mother for his child. A spokesman for Franks did not respond to a request for comment on that claim.

Seriously, this is just f%$#ing creepy.

One would have thought that natural selection should have made them extinct by now, because it appears that the required preparation for coitus would require some seriously sick, and hard to find, sh%$.

Silicon Valley Bro Culture in a Nutshell

Apple's New $5 Billion Apple Park Campus Has a 100,000-Square-Foot Gym and No Daycare

Considering that this building was designed with input from the late Steve Jobs, this is not particularly surprising.

Job's relationship to parenting was (at best) problematic, so this development is rather unsurprising.

Meanwhile, at the Republican National Convention

It turns out that the RNC was a bonanza for male sex workers, and most of their work did not involve women:

It’s been a great week for gay escorts in Cleveland.

Male prostitutes contacted by The Post said business is booming and Republican National Convention attendees — most of them married — are clamoring for their services.

“Business has been way better. I’ve seen 10 clients so far,” one male escort said.

“Most of them were first-timers. You could tell they were nervous, but once they became more comfortable, they seemed to be having a good time.”

Another escort said he had already earned $1,600 since Monday — over six times the amount he usually makes.

………

One gigolo who charges $250 an hour said he’s been making about $800 per day since the convention kicked off — all from men visiting from Florida, Louisiana and Washington, DC.

“Usually I need to go out of town,” he said with a chuckle.

Most men paid to have sex, but one client requested to “do his business in the corner” while watching his wife in bed with the escort.

………

“The Republicans have a lot of delegates in the closet, let’s put it that way.”

Party of family values my ass.

H/t Joe.My.God.

Editorial of the Day

Brevity is the soul of wit

Michigan State Representative Cindy Gamrat, a Teabagger from the banks of the Kalamazoo river, was expelled from the state house because she and fellow rep (and fellow Teabagger) Todd Courser (who resigned) used state funds to cover up their adulterous affair.

A special election was called to replace her, and Gamrat is running for reelection.

The Grand Rapids Press and Kalamazoo Gazette editorial on this development is remarkably concise: (click for a larger image)

No.

It's as if Ernest Hemingway wrote this editorial.

H/t Jim Romenesko

Republican Family Values in Action

The Teabagger is the one on the Left

Teabagger heroine, and terrorist wannabe, Holly Fisher has been exposed exposed cheating on her military veteran husband:

In July, liberals were delighted by the moronic antics of a woman who quickly became known as “Holly Hobby Lobby.” Shortly following the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court ruling that allowed companies to inject their religion into female employees’ healthcare, Holly Fisher decided to poorly “troll” liberals a bit.

Our heroine bravely stood in front of a Hobby Lobby store wearing a “PRO-LIFE” t-shirt and holding a Chick-Fil-A cup. She captioned her photo “HOW TO MAKE A LIBERAL’S HEAD EXPLODE,” and set it loose on Twitter.

………

This photo gained Holly the admiration of the conservative world. Quickly, she became a hero to all who have trouble figuring out how to work a microwave. [I love that turn of phrase MGS] Unfortunately, her new photo — the one conservatives adored — bore a striking resemblance to “the White Widow,” a jihadist suicide bomber who blew herself and four other people up in 2004.

………

“The conservative woman behind several viral photos cheated on her combat veteran husband repeatedly & then lied about it, Gotnews.com has learned,” [The world's worst undeserving claimant of the term "Journalist", and member of the class Myxogastria, Charles C.] Johnson wrote.

According to Johnson, multiple sources within the Tea Party confirmed that Fisher had a prolonged affair with Joel Frewa, a now-former video editor for the Tea Party News Network. Johnson says Frewa resigned after word of the affair began to leak out.

“The affair took place at a “Restoring the Dream” event, a Faith & Freedom conference, and on Election night 2014,” Johnson said.

The irony here is delicious, but it is far from surprising.

H/t Blade at the Stellar Parthenon.

Light Night Comics Must Love Republicans

Because this stuff writes itself.

Case in point, the rebounding scandal of John Ensign's affair and his payoff of his mistress and her husband, where we now discover that , "His lawyer has just released a remarkable statement saying that Ensign's parents paid the Hamptons $96,000 after the 51-year-old senator told his Mom and Dad about the affair."

Republican family values....Things go bad, and rich daddy bails you out.

Why We Love The Rude Pundit

Just go read his takdown of Governor Sanford.

It is even better than Jon Stewart's take-down of the Governor.

Jon Stewart is a F%$#ing Genius, Part 867-5309

Mark Sanford, yet again.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Yep, it's Governor Mark Sanford again, who is now admitting that he "crossed the line", with other women, but didn't actually have sex with them, which I guess means that he got a Monica, just like Bill Clinton.

Additionally, there are more trips to visit Maria Belen Chapur than he had previously admitted.

So more drip, drip, drip, and more Schadenfreude for the rest of us.

The Stupid, It Burns Us!!!!!

It comes from former Bush Press Secretary Dana Perino, who says that the Sanford affair proves we need to ‘elect more women,’ because women do not cheat on their husbands.

Great googly moogly, that woman is stupid.

Mark Sanford Returns from Narnia*

My bad, he was in Argentina, not hiking in Appalachia.

Oh, and while he was there, he was screwing some chippie, as he admitted at his press conference.

Real classy guy. He apologized to his girl friend and the press before he apologized to his wife, see video below.

He's resigning as chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association, which means that he's suffered enough, so <Chris Crocker>leave Sanford alone!!!</Chris Crocker>

Meanwhile, the emails between the two of them have been leaked, and the late night comics will have a field day with this.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

^*Not my joke, I got it from Cthulhu.^†
†No, not the unspeakably malevolent super-being, the contributor to the Shortskoolbus BBS.^‡
‡OK, I've never seen the two of them together, so Cthulhu might actually be the Cthulu, but the mere fact that he is on a BBS, interacting with humans^§ would seem to mitigate against this.
^§Yes, I know, this is the internet, where no one knows if you are a dog.

The Real Threat to Marriage as We Know it

Republican marriage.

Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, John Ensign, David Vitter, Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, Ronald Reagan, etc.

I'm thinking about trying to get a bill passed banning Republican marriage. It's a threat to the traditional understanding of marriage.

Sounds to Me Like Another Republican Spending a Few Days In the Closet

One of the odd bit of news right now is that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has gone missing.

He ditched his security detail, he's turned off his cell phones, and no one can find him.

The interesting quote in the above story is from his wife:

Neither his wife, nor the state's lieutenant governor, nor police officials know where he is, South Carolina newspapers reported.

But Jenny Sanford told the Associated Press she wasn't worried.

"He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids," she said while vacationing with the couple's four sons.

(emphasis mine)

She sounds to me like someone who is studiously avoiding trying to find the answer to this.

The real issue here is not Mark Sandford's personal life. It's the concern that self-hating individuals, and the closet does imply self-loathing, do not make good decisions on the public policy.

Here is a question, how many straight Republicans who practice marital fidelity does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Either one can do it themselves.

Update:
The governor has been located.

He has been hiking along the Appalachian Trail....Yeah, sure, I believe that.

A commenter on the 2^nd link nails it:

brads77 Jun 23, 2009 7:28:12 AM
The only reason this guy would have hiked the Appalachian Trail is because he wanted to visit the Home of Deliverance--thinking that the movie was a love story.

Brads77 owes me a screen wipe.

This Entire John Ensign Affair Thing Has Taken a Sinister Turn

The blockbuster here appears to be that another Senator, Tom Coburn of Oklahoma, was present at at least some of the discussions on this matter between Ensign and his former staffer, though it also appears that there is the suggestion that Ensign was stalking Ms. Hampton after the relationship ended.

Well, it appears that Senator Ensign was slowly backing away from the allegations of extortion over the past few days, and law enforcement has said that there have been no allegations of such.

What is interesting is that Doug Hampton, the cuckolded husband seems to have felt threatened about something, because he sent a letter to Fox News about claiming that he was threatened about 5 days before Ensign went public, and while Fox denies having tipped him off, they now admit having received the letter.

It appears that someone there tipped off the Senator to this, and now that the contents of the letter have been leaked, we're hearing rumblings of potential extortion again, only Ensign's office is suggesting that it was his council, who they have not named.

So, murmurings of extortion, but no names, for now, I am betting that this is Bullsh&%.

My guess is that the sequence of events is as follows:

1. Affair occurs. (agreed to by all sides)
2. His colleagues in the Senate confront him about the affair in February of 2008
   
3. Stalking or a vendetta by Ensign.
4. Letter to Fox News.
5. Fox sits on the letter.
6. Fox tips off Ensign.
7. Ensign goes public, and starts spreading rumors about extortion.
8. Ensign's office starts floating an extortion smear.
9. Reporters start checking with law enforcement, find no evidence of extortion.
10. Ensign's office backs off extortion smear.
11. Las Vegas Sun gets a copy of the letter, which makes Ensign look like Kathy Bates' character Annie Wilkes from the movie Misery.
12. We start hearing the extortion smack again.

Pass the popcorn

Text of Doug Hampton's letter to Fox News:

Thursday, June 11, 2009
Fox News- Corporate Office
1211 Avenue of the America’s (sic)
New York, New York 10036

Megyn Kelly,

More than any time in my life I understand why people take matters into their own hands. I am disheartened! I have sought wise counsel, tried to do the right thing and continue to run into road blocks (sic) in dealing with a very terrible circumstance and injustice that lives in my life. I am hoping you and Fox News can help.

My name is Doug Hampton. I am a former employee of US (sic) Senator John Ensign. I worked for Senator Ensign in his official government office on Capitol Hill from November 2006 to April 2008. My responsibilities were the oversight of his personnel in Washington as well as the state of Nevada. Duties included budgets, policy and public speaking on behalf of the Senator and his initiatives.

Here is my story. In December of 2007 in the midst of some very difficult personal issues that deeply impacted my family and marriage, Senator Ensign pursued and engaged in a relationship with my wife. Our families were lifelong friends, our children attend school together to this day, and our homes are in neighborhoods across from each other. My wife was the Senator’s campaign treasurer.

There is a tremendous amount (sic) of details and critical facts associated with this story and their relationship that will not be addressed in this letter but are very important and need to be further explored if you choose to meet with me. The purpose of this letter is to establish the framework for discussion and provide enough information to warrant a meeting with you and Fox News. This is the only letter of its kind and no other news stations have been contacted with this information. I have great respect and affection for Fox News and many of your collages (sic). I’m sending this to you because you have a legal back ground (sic) and this story has several legal elements.

The unethical behavior and immoral choice of Senator Ensign has been confronted by me and others on a number of occasions over this past year. In fact one of the confrontations took place in February 2008 at his home in Washington DC (sic) with a group of his peers. One of the attendee’s (sic) was Senator Tom Coburn from Oklahoma as well as several other men who are close to the Senator. Senator Ensign’s conduct and relentless pursuit of my wife led to our dismissal in April of 2008. I would like to say he stopped his heinous conduct and pursuit upon our leaving, but that was not the case and his actions did not subside until August of 2008.

The actions of Senator Ensign have ruined our lives and careers and left my family in shambles. We have lost significant income, suffered indescribable pain and emotional suffering. We find ourselves today with an overwhelming loss of relationships, career opportunities and hope for recovery. Our pursuit of justice continues to place me and my family in harm’s way as we fear for our well being (sic).

Today, Senator Ensign’s responsibility and stature have increased within the US (sic) Senate. His is currently the head of “Policy” for the Republican Party, the number four position within the Parties (sic) leadership team. We on the other hand are completely ruined and left to deal with the aftermath of very evil and completely unjustifiable acts by one of our countries (sic) top leaders.

It appears there may be nothing the law can do to correct and bring justice and restitution to (sic) this terrible wrong that has been done to us. I have sought a number of lawyers who are having difficulty finding charges that may hold up in court. There are either technicalities that exist due to the time period in which I have sought help, or other nuances that quite frankly make no sense to me given the egregious acts and blatant abuse of power by Senator Ensign. From my perspective this whole nightmare is terribly wrong and completely unacceptable and should not be tolerated.

I clearly understand this story is difficult to believe for anyone reading (sic) for the first time. I too would have difficulty believing it, if someone brought me this story. However I assure you it is true and there are facts, a paper trail, phone records and personal witnesses to testify to its truth. It is my belief we are dealing with a very powerful person and an institution in the US (sic) Senate that only the media can pierce to expose the wrong and bring light and focus to what needs to be done? (sic)

Please help me! This should not be how the leadership of our country should be allowed to behave. I need justice, help and restitution for what Senator Ensign has done to me and my family. Regardless of technicalities, regardless of position, regardless of power this cannot and should not be tolerated in our country from our trusted leaders. Will you help? Will you consider a meeting with me to further discuss this story and what can be done to bring justice and correction to this situation?

I love this country and considered it a great privilege to work in the US (sic) Senate. I am bringing this to you and Fox News to address this professionally and correctly. I could have sought the most liberal, Republican hating media to expose this story, but there are people’s lives at stake and justice is about proper process as well as outcome. Senator Ensign has no business serving in the US (sic) Senate anymore! I will send you and (sic) email as well as leave you and your staff messages in an attempt to meet you and your team as soon as possible. I live and work in Nevada but can be in New York within hours, I look forward to your help.

Sincerely,
Doug Hampton

And yes, I am feeling a bit of Schadenfreude about this, pass the popcorn.

Republican Family Values

United States Senator John Ensign (R-NV), who screwed around on his wife with the wife of a staffer of his, and now appears to be admitting the affair only because his former staffer is trying to blackmail him.

Note that Ensign was a member of "Promise Keepers", and called for Larry Craig to resign after his peccadilloes.

Republicans Vote Against Mother's Day

This is not the Onion, it's the Washington Post, though, truth be told, the Onion probably does a better job of reporting.

I'm Gonna Live Forever

Any my lovely wife will outlive me by millennia, if this study that says married couples that express anger outlive those that suppress anger.

I'm just sayin'.

Schadenfreude: Scaife Edition

I posted about this in October when the WaPo covered this, and now Vanity Fair has a much more extensive writeup of the Scaife divorce.

So, the man who did his best to get a president impeached for sleeping around is himself a philanderer. He is a hypocrite who deserves any pain he gets.

FWIW, he should let his wife have that damn dog. In a divorce, you try to get out with your balls intact, the dog is a distraction.

Why We’re All Going to Hell, Part 54,302

John Scalzi, in his blog post, Why We’re All Going to Hell, Part 54,302, makes the point that should be made: When the press covers someone giving away billions of dollars to the hungry, sick, and infirm, and the big story for the media is, "What does this mean for his narcissistic no-talent grand daughter?^*", we are all going to hell, particularly the wankers in the media who have decided to cover it this .

I might further argue that we are already in hell.

^*Early in the brief 7 ½ month history of this blog, I made a promise not to mention She Who Must Not Be Named, which was expanded a while back to They Who Must Not Be Named. Therefore, I will not mention her name, or their names, unless they run for office.