Colloquy With a Cat

Me: Move. I need to fold clothes.

Meatball: No. This is my comfy space.

Me: I gotta fold clothes.

Meatball: No. This is my comfy space.

Me: You aren't even supposed to be in the bedroom.

Meatball: No. This is my comfy space.

Me: OK, stay there. I'll just go to work.

Meatball: I am going to kill you, and drink your blood from your skull.

Me: Whatever.

I Sent My Wife a Dick Pic the Other Day

My daughter, Natalie, is the stage manger of a production of the off Broadway play, I Love You, You're Perfect, ……… Now Change.

It's the, "New 2018 Revised and Updated Book & Score," and so, unlike the early 1990s version, it has a musical number about the unfortunate habit that some men have of sending the object of their affection pictures of portions of their anatomy.

Sharon^* turned to me and made a comment about how she would have given me the boot if I had done this to her when we were dating.

Seeing as how I am an unmitigated ass, I saw this as a challenge, so I sent her a picture of Dick, specifically Tricky Dick, aka Richard Milhous Nixon.

Have I mentioned that Sharon^* is a saint? If she weren't should have murdered me many years ago.

^*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Having Pasta and Garlic Bread

Passover is over, and I am having garlic bread and pasta.

Bliss!!!!!

Am I This Guy?

I saw this cartoon, and I was horrified to realize that it was way too much like me.

I asked my family, and they all said, "Pretty much."



Link to full cartoon.

Off to Oregon

Flying into a no longer epicly carpeted Portland International Airport (PDX) and then going to Nescowin to hang with my dad and my brothers.

Some beer will be consumed, and much flatulence is anticipated.

Sorry folks, but that is about as gangsta as the Saroff males get.

The long suffering Saroff females on the other hand………

I Hate Rhinovirus

Getting over a chest cold.

I Have Never Been So Happy to Flush a Toilet

The water main has been fixed, and so we now have running water again.

I Am a Horrible Human Being

For the past 24 hours, we have had no water at our house, because an 8 inch water main broke, shutting off water to 20-30 houses in my neighborhood.

Seeing as how we all were beginning to stink, we went to the JCC (Jewish Community Centers) to take showers, as they have a gym, locker room, and showers.

We were discussing the showers, and Sharon^* mentioned that there were stalls with curtains in the women's locker room.

I noted to Charlie that this was not the case in the men's locker room, where it was an open floor plan.  (It turns out that my recollections were wrong.  They have added stalls and curtains)

Charlie was upset, as he is not enamored of the concept of taking a shower in front of other people, so he went to get his swim trunks.

So I asked him, "What is your problem with having a Zyklon B layout in the showers?"

He turned to me, and said that this was the worst thing that he had heard me say in his entire life.

I am a truly awful person.

^*Love of my life, light of the  cosmos, she  who must be obeyed, my wife.

Dumb-Ass

Such a nice boy!

My son Charlie (Youtube Channel here, his Deviant Art here) decided to take his laptop with him to my nephew Sam's Bar Mitzvah.

On the way home, he misplaced it.

Luckily, left it left the TSA bin at airport security, and his login screen has his name, so he called them today (Lost and Found was closed for the King holiday), and they will be sending it to him, at his expense, via express delivery.

Well, he can take solace that he is a lucky dumb-ass.

Note: I published this post with his express permission, so don't go calling me a bad parent.

Weird Family History

I had an interesting talk with my Dad this weekend.

He recalled that in the mid 80s, my grandma went on cruise that included a stop in Leningrad.

The KGB refused to allow her off the boat, and we have no clue as to why.

Heading Back Home

Taking the red eye from Seattle to Baltimore.

I'm in the plane waiting for the doors to close.

Pray for Me

We are headed to Seattle for my nephew's bar mitzvah.

We are flying Spirit air lines.

(Cue ominous music)

(On edit)
At least it is a direct flight.

I Cannot Believe that I Just Said This

I know hwo they feel

I just told my daughter, "Just Say No!."

Admittedly, it wasn't about drugs, it was about not installing the associated crapware that came with a free printer to PDF driver, but still, I said the phrase.

I feel deep shame.

23 Years, and Not Yet Murdered

Though if Sharon were to kill me, it would be well justified.

Happy 23rd anniversary, dear.

Posted via mobile.

Midvale School for the Gifted

I was going to Maariv^* at the local Kollel^†, so that I could say Kaddish^‡ for her.

Charlie came with me, because we studied some Gemara^€ before services.

Charlie walked into the study area, and pushed the door open (it swings both ways) despite the large signs taped to it marked "Pull."

I said, "Midvale School for the Gifted," and Charlie gave me a blank look.

I had to remind him that it was a Gary Larson cartoon.

^*Evening services.
^†Community religious study center.
^‡A memorial prayer, it is the 41st anniversary of her death.
^€A companion work of the Mishna, together they constitute the Talmud.

This May Be the Worst Thing That I Have Ever Said

We just had a workplace shooting in Maryland and Delaware yesterday.

3 dead and 6 wounded. Just another day at the office.

My wife and I were discussing this as I was getting ready to go to work, and I said, "My advice is always to shoot the boss, not your co-workers."

Sharon,^* ever the optimist, asked a very wise question, "How about not shooting anyone."

Without thinking, I replied:

This is America, that's not an option.

That was literally the first thought in my head, like some kind of like a Rorschach test.

That may have been the worst thing that I have ever said in my entire life.

I'm not sure if it reflects poorly on me, on our society, on my understanding of our society, or the universe.

^*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Now I'm Cooking with Gas

Literally, we have a gas range.

I've decided to try to make Tahdig with chicken, an Iranian rice dish noted for its crusty bottom.

No formal recipe, I'm just taking notes from a number of recipes online, and playing around.

I'll see how it goes.

At the Laundromat

Our clothes dryer stopped heating last night, and today is laundry day.

So I am waiting for the skin cycle to end.

Dateline NBC is on the TVs here, which I find profoundly uninteresting.

Posted via mobile.

Deep Thought

I think that my car is getting more miles per gallon of gas than my colon.

Light Posting for the Next Few Days

Starting a new job at Tate Access Floors, a manufacturer of raised access floors.

As always, this is likely the last time that I will post about Tate, or my job, because blogging about your workplace is not a good way to stay at that workplace.

In any case, I'll be learning the ropes, and as such will have less time to blog for a while.