This is Not Going to End Well………

The regular reader(s) of my blog may be aware of my travails with RP the feral cat.^*

The short version is that we caught her in a Have-a-Heart trap, and brought her in.

When I let her out she freaked, and ran into the basement ceiling, but not before biting me and giving me puncture wounds through oven mitts.

The next day, I saw her outside, so she figured a way out of the house.

When we got our cats, RP continued to come into the house somehow, and eat our cats food. (Video here) We still haven't figured out how she does that.

A few weeks after that, RP fell out of the ceiling, and I caught her, and she peed on me and clawed the hell out of me.  (I did not blog on that particular affront to my already limited dignity)

I even made a cat shelter outside in the vain hope of giving her an alternative to going into the house. No such luck.

Well, this morning, I got a call from Sharon^†. RP was in the house, and had lured our kitten Destructo into the ceiling.

The kitten had gotten stuck (or maybe just confused)and was panicking, and my wife and kids had to reach into the suspended ceiling to get him out.

While this was going on, RP was watching with what my wife describe as smug amusement.

It's on. It is totally on.

I'm halfway through cobbling together a trap made from the cat travel cage and the aforementioned Have-a-Heart trap, and if it works, we will either try to tame the cat, or take to a shelter and get it the f%$# out of our neighborhood ……… and my house.

I do realize that I have been channeling Robert Redford playing John Dortmunder in the 1972 film, The Hot Rock

Dortmunder: Not me. I've got no choice. I'm not superstitious. And I don't believe in jinxes, but that stone's jinxed me and it won't let go. I've been damned near bitten, shot at, peed on and robbed. And worse is gonna happen before it's done. So I'm takin' my stand. I'm going all the way. Either I get it, or it gets me.

Considering my record with this cat, I can only conclude that the chances are remarkably good that it will get me.

There is a part of me that fears I am so going to get killed or maimed by this f%$#ing cat.

^*RP stands for Rodentia Phage, or Ravage and Pillage, or maybe just RP. I don't know for sure, but it is a cat, so it does not come when it is called.
^†Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.